You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
