his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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