I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
