Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
