how can u be prego again
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
