alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
