I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
