dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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