I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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