Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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