This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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