I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
