Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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