dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
