There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
