this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
