That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
