sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
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