I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Life is so much better after having sex.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
