We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
