You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
