respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Randomize
