After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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