i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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