At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
my liver is dry heaving
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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