my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
