Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
