I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
