ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I just want to make out with him forever
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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