I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
