I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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