Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
time to smoke my breakfast
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
