dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
