Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
