Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
