my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
