Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
you inspire me to be a worse person
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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