Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
