Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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