Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
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