Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
