maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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