The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
