just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
