Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
