apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
