woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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