i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
