Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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