you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
